"Pray that HE will make you stronger. Don't just pray that the mountain will get smaller.
Even when people gave you lemon, smile"

Sit back and enjoy my rambles, stories and opinions about life.

Thursday, December 31, 2015

Senior Paeds Posting






Salam and good morning everybunny in ground holes,

Berdebu, berhabuk dan bersawang dah blog ni. Boleh dpt multiple trigger wheeze atau asthma ni.

This is my story.

I have just entered a new posting for this fifth year. It is senior paediatric posting. A legendary posting that every senior have passed down many stories to us. My friend that had pass this posting also tells different kind of grim, ruthless stories about it. 

Now im here to experience it myself.

First day was okay. It was great actually. We are anticipating this posting so much since the beginning of fifth year. Lecturer who was told to be very strict and fierce is very kind on that day.

Second day, some of us had make some mistakes. 

On 3rd day, we were scolded to our bones. It was 2 hours of gloomiest awkward, cringing situation. We were force to admit our mistakes. At the end, some of us admitted their mistakes. Me? No. Im just too coward to defend myself. Even i didnt do wrong. That was my thought.

My mind was full of why and if. If only we know what will happened we will be very very like VERY meticulous in what we are doing. We will make sure our comrades do their job so we will not be scolded together. If we just asking and confirming many times regarding our jobscope and tasks, these wouldnt happen. I became emotionally upset, i blame those who did wrong. I punished them by not talking to them for a whole day.

However, ifs are words of despair that you shouldnt keep.

When i was alone, i thought about it more. I became more angrier, cried and even laughed. All bipolar symptoms emerged. (Or is it disorganize behaviour?) I blame them more and more. I am regretting more and more.

But.

Suddenly, a thought strikes me. 

The lecturers did it for us. For our future.

For us to be a responsible later in our life. It was not really a big issue, but they make it a chaos so later we will be careful in our every actions. Even on little tiny minute things. 

Our jobs will involved other people lives. They didnt want us to be ignorant and irresponsible towards our jobs. 

Plus when one of our comrades did wrong a whole group will be mark as also at fault. Why? They want us to be a good teammates. When other did wrongly, correct them right away. Not just look at them and laugh at how silly they done it. 

No. We have to work as a team. Try completing our job ourselves but also make sure that everyone can do their job too. Give a helping hand when needed. So the patient life wouldnt be jeopardize. 

Now i understand. They didnt hate us. If not why would they become a lecturer. An educator. A teacher. It was really for us. Really.

Minggu pertama yang banyak pengajaran. Rasa macam dah ada MDD setiap hari. Dah lengkap semua kriteria. Makan pon sekali sehari. Mmg legend. Haha boleh kurus kalau setiap minggu macam ni.

Thats all for my new year post... waaaa dah tahun 2016. Lagi 6 bulan exam final aka professional 3 exam. Cuak... 

My new year resolutions? 

I will think about that later. Haha its too much and couldnt fit in one entry.   

Nevertheless, anyone who read this post please pray for us. Pray that we will be the best. The toughest. The kindest. The warmest. The best doctors in future. Doctors that people will believe in. To trust in. InshaAllah.



Wassalam.


Friday, June 26, 2015

FINAL YEAR

Assalamualaikum,

Ehem Ehem. *paroxysmal cough followed by whoop. Clears throat.

Agak lama blog ini menyepi tanpa sebarang post hasil nukilan sendiri. Nak kata busy, i dont think so. Selain dari baca buku dan pergi hospital dan hadir lecture dan misi memenuhkan logbook, i am not that busy actually. Plus aku tak suka sangat baca buku. True story. Nak kata letih, tak jugak. Lebih kepada perasaan malas. Lack of drive orang Melayu kata (baca: Malaysia) aku bukan racist. Dah berapa kali buka dashboard. Taip title. Termenung cari isi. Minimize Tab. Bukak KMPlayer. Lagu berdentum. Tutup laptop. Tidur. Haih Haih.

Alhamdulillah, Next 2 months I will be in 5th year aka final year. Cuak. Takut. Gementar. Excited. Hopeless. Fed up. Kerdil. Tak layak. Semua bercampur baur ibarat rojak buah ataupun ibarat bibimbap. yummeh. 

Rasa diri ni tak layak tu yang paling ketara. Iyelah.. sebelum ni bila dr tanya soalan tak boleh jawab, dimaafkan. 

"Itsokay, you are fourth year student. but you cannot pass if you didnt know this in your pro 3 exam"

kalau pasal skill klinikal pulak.

MO: "can you help me to do the pap smear?"
me: "sorry dr i didnt know how to do it." *sengih muka nak kena tumbuk
MO: "oh.. arent you a final year student?"
me: "no dr. we are fourth year" *sengih muka nak kena sepak
MO: "ohhh okay then. did you see any of your seniors?"
me: "ermm.. not sure dr.." *sengih lagi
MO: "okay2"
me: "errr sorry dr but can we observe the procedure?"

Haaaa tu je la pandai. Nak observe aje, padahal dah observe beribu kali masih ketar lutut nak buat. 
See. Kan dah cakap banyak perkara akan dimaafkan kalau masih bukan bergelar final year student.

Its too much responsibility.
Its too much burden.
To be A final year student. 

Sekarang masih rilek sebab masih berada di tahun ke 4. Elective Posting. Masih boleh guna ayat. 
"we are fourth year medical student.. bla.. bla.."

Tapi dalam masa 2 bulan lagi, title itu akan berubah.
Moga aku bersedia bila smapai waktunya.

Tapi bak kata kebanyakan pensyarah aku. The most important thing is to be a Safe Medical Doctor.

the end
Moga berjumpa lagi di lain kali.

Wassalam.

p/s: just finished blogwalking. i hope he will continue to write again. i really like his writing though.
Guys... Miss you.

Monday, April 13, 2015

This Life


Just how much is the world we live now worth?
Everything feel meaningless
Maybe I am little tired

What ideal should I visualize?
What hope should I embrace as I move on
The future is calling for us
Can you hear that voice now too

Even if it's something like the sparks of firework
That I can never catch hold of
Once more, once more,
I want to reach out with my hands

Everyone has their share of sorrow
But they also wish for a wonderful tomorrow
Just how much can I love this troubled world
When I lost my nerve?

-copypaste-

-codeblue-